What a difference a year makes...

I started this effort just 14 months ago and man how things have changed!!! I am back to living alone again (or as Lori likes to call it, working out of town), I made it almost to the "top of the ladder" in my company only to be sent back down a couple of rungs after just one year. That hurts on a lot of levels. We are once again trying to get a home sold (at a loss, again) but the biggest difference of all is that I truly have no idea what I will be doing career wise when this latest move is over. That might make for some interesting posts going forward.

When it is all said and done I will be fine as long as Lori and the kids are still there to come home to, whenever and wherever that is.

Until next time...

Life goes on, regardless..

Today the world lost a great person. Reva Orton was an example to many people in ways that she will never realize. To me she was down to earth, humble, genuinely concerned for others, I could go on and on. Reva's story is one of hard work, honesty and tenacity during tough times. It is also about family and about the fact that in this great country often times people are rewarded for a life time of hard work and Reva would be the the to point this out.

Lin and Reva Orton founded the Lins organization in Cedar City, Utah in 1955. It was my work at that company and for that great family that has given my family the that we enjoy opportunities today.

Thank you Lin and Reva for showing the rest of us a great example of The Greatest Generation. Thank you Rod, Ray and Ster for all that you have done for me and my family.

I was just going to quit but...

It has been so long since I felt inclined to write that I thought it would just be best let the page expire, but it just would not go away. Maybe next time. I was just reading Lori's last entry and it just caused me to reflect on the massive changes that we are all going through right now.

As I write this my wife is at work, my wife has not been "at work" in the "employed for pay" context in about 15 years. She has worked plenty at home and we have done some jobs together (TLC, god forebid that we ever have to go down that road again) but the idea that Lori is "at work" in the true sense of employment outside of the home is just strange. Not bad, just strange. That said, I don't think that she (or I for that matter) could ask for a better opportunity than the one that she has been given. She gets to earn extra income while being involved with something that she loves and can maintain a high degree of flexibility at the same time. Pretty cool really but still just strange!

As for me I am going through what has become easily the toughest and perhaps most "life altering" job change that I have ever experienced. (with the exception of the short stint in advertising about 15 years ago) It may sound strange, it is the same company, the same boss and most of my new employees are people that I have known and worked with for many years. The real change and challenge I believe relates more to a dramatic shift in orientation.

For 27 years I have worked in this industry and for 27 years I have been "on the move" and moving at a very fast pace as well. For the first 16 or so years while my work was done at the store level I set my daily priorities, moved through them as quickly and effectively as I could and then went on to do the "extras" that have allowed me to move through the various "layers" and to arrive in my current position. Once I moved to the "corporate" level I applied the same philosophy to a different set of priorities and "tasks". My so called "tasks" now involved leading other people rather than doing things on my own. Not really that different because up until now I have operated in a very autonomous environment where as long as I delivered the right financial results, supported the overall company direction and kept myself and my people out of trouble then I and my team were largely left alone to pursue the priorities and initiatives that we felt could produce the desired results over time. Not so much now!!

I do not intend to sound negative, it is just so different! I have a good boss who I like and respect. I am employed by a good company who's leadership is genuinely concerned about its people and its customer / owners. I am surrounded by peers that I enjoy working with, I feel that I am fairly compensated (even generously) and I still find the industry to be filled with challenges, all good stuff, right? So what is the problem?

I am still trying to figure that last one out but I think that it is a combination of things. To be truthful I have enjoyed being a "big fish in a small pond". Additionally I have enjoyed being constantly on the move from one place to the next all of the time and the flexibility that it has provided. And as strange as this might sound I have enjoyed being responsible for the financial results and operating statistics of my various area of responsibility whether that was a small Meat Shop or a conglomerate that was actually four different companies with four different income statements, four different balance sheets and three different operating banners. It is all the same you see, the numbers do not lie! You either perform or you don't, you grow the top and bottom line or they shrink under your leadership. There is no debating the results and I have always thrived and actually enjoyed that kind of accountability and pressure even when the results where not what was hoped for, it just made me think harder and try more new approaches. My new job, well not so much now. (the "think harder" part is really kicking in but the world of "black and white" results is long gone, and the comfort that comes with that)

I could go on and on but I am sure that I have lost you all by now. It all comes down to this... I needed to be challenged and to grow in new and different ways. I knew it and my company knew it, that is what is happening now. It is tough, but the truth is that when I first became accountable for financial results back in 1989 in that little meat shop in St George I struggled and stressed and stretched and guess what, I grew !!

Until next time...

This is getting old...

It has been about three months since I started "commuting" to my new job. At first I thought that I would establish this routine where I would work four long days in Salt Lake each week and then be home on Thursday and work from my St George office each Friday. Well after 3 months I have been to my St George office exactly twice. My plan lasted about two weeks but I was constantly adding extra days to my room reservations and making constsant changes in my plans. Suffice it so say that before the first month had passed I was officially "living" at the Crystal Inn. Yep I just went to the front desk and booked the room for a couple of months. It actually took a little stress out of my life because I could now come and go as I pleased and not worry about checking in, checking out, packing up all my things etc. I now "pack" to go and visit home.

Well it helped for a few weeks but as time goes on I am just tired of being alone all of the time. I work long and intense days and then go to an empty room and sit. At first I would go out and browse the book stores or get up early and go to the gym etc, but now most days I just work and then sit in my room. I don't wish to go anywhere because I have seen it all already and I don't seem to have the energy or desire to walk or to work out or anything I just work and then wait to go back to work again.

It is not all gloomy though, Lori and the kids have been frequent visitors and that helps a lot, and this weekend I will be going home for a couple of days and that gives me something to look forward to. As you know from Lori's blog there may be some light at the end of the tunnel, maybe just maybe we will be back as a normal family in July and I will exchange the loneliness for the noise and confusion of family life and the stress and pressure of two homes to worry about. That's OK I will take the latter over the former anytime !!!

A stranger in my own house?

These days each time that I return home after being gone for two weeks or more I go through a strange set of emotions. For most of the last 18 years when I would return home from a business trip I would always have a feeling of happiness when I would see the green of the Washington Fields from the freeway or the red of Kolob Canyons from the window of the plane. The familiar sights would assure me that in just a few minutes I would be home. Home to me is Lori and the kids, the comfort of my own furnishings, going to my office that has been the center of my work life for the last 14 years and friends and familiar faces on the streets and at church. All the things that I feel connected to and that are worth working for. As I mentioned home is also the Red Rocks, Green Cottonwoods and The St George Temple against the back drop of Pine Valley Mountain.

Not so much now, and that is what hits me every time that I see those familiar sites and know that I am minutes from home, or am I?

Obviously I am always glad to see Lori and the kids, except these days I seem to see them just as much in Salt Lake as I do here. I still love the scenery, it is just as beautiful but more like some place that you would visit, take a few pictures and then move on, you know, towards home.
As for the office and the stores that I have helped to build, well I am now just a visitor there familliar though I may be. And the home that Lori and I have worked so hard and spent so much on to make beautiful and comfortable, well it has become just a financial liability that has to be dealt with somehow in order for us to move on with our lives.

I don't mean to sound cold or even ungreatful for the good times that we have enjoyed, the friends that we have made and the beautiful and peaceful place that we have called home for so long but yet this is how I feel, to some degree, and thus the strange emotions that I mentioned at the beginning.

Here is the real "kicker" though. I stated that these are the things that I feel as I approach home each time, but as I write this I have been home for four day's, have been sorounded by family and friends and even spent some time hiking in Zion (one of my favorite places) and now I am packing to leave early tomorow morning. So what do I feel now? It can be summed up in a few words... I feel sad, almost to the point of tears, and by the way those tears usually come as I leave those green fields of Washington in my rear view mirror and head back to the place that I now call ???

Until next time...

A first time for everything

Today I did something that I have never done in my life, I attended church in a ward just to attend, without knowing a sole. I will admit that I did choose that particular ward based on the fact that our current #1 choice in homes was in that ward and I was curious to see what it was like.

Well here's a big surprise... It was just like every other ward that I have ever attended. At least now we know that there is a good variety of kids of all ages and a broad range ages and (at least by appearances) a broad range of backgrounds in the ward members. It kind of reminded me of a slightly younger and slightly larger version of our home ward, even the Bishop was bald! Some of the areas around this home are very affluent and that causes some concern for Lori and I because we want our children do grow up around a good mix of very "grounded" people, I was relieved in attending this particular ward because it seemed to have a good "mix" of people to associate with, again much like our home ward.

After church I visited my life long friend that lives in the area (Bill) and together we went to see his mother who is in assisted living center in Bountiful. Kathleen is growing older now and this was the first time that I have really noticed the changes mentally. She was an older mother back when Bill and I first met (I was about twelve) but over the years she has always been mentally very sharp, she still is "for her age", but her age is now nearly 90. I will make a point to visit her when I can, she has been a good friend to me for most of my life, a sort of "second mom" as I was going through my teenage years, it is tough to realize that she probably wont be with us for a lot longer.

One more quick "first"... This is the first time since my job change that I have spent a full weekend here without at least some of my family around, it stinks!! I miss you guys and want you to know that I love you.

Until next time...

Not bad for a Butcher...

A few days ago a friend and coworker from the early 80's passed my my new office and made the comment... "you have come a long way from slinging milk wires Bryan". He will never know what an impact his comment had on me. Shortly after I walked down the hall to the office of a good friend and a peer in my company and shared the comment, you see Todd and I share a common past and common accomplishments. (if you want to call them that) Perhaps this common past (and common recent job assignments) is why we have become good friends. That and the fact that neither of us sees ourselves any differently today than we did in our "milk slinging days" except I must point out that his go back to the 70's.

I have no idea why I chose to start out my blogging life with this little story, other than the fact that I really dont know where to start. This is the reason (or excuse) that I have never started a journel, I have this need to start everything at the begining and I am just too damn lazy and too slow at typing (yes I said typing, thats what we called when I was in school) to cover the first 42 years of my life before I can talk about today. It would take me until I am 50 just to catch up to 40 and then... Well you get the idea.

So why is blogging different, well I have no idea, perhaps because I don't really know what the "blogging rules" are, nor do I care I am just thinking on paper, or on air, or whatever this medium is.

I guess I will try to blend elements of the past into my entries as I write about what is on my mind today. By the way I don't even know who will see this because I don't know how to add or invite people to my blog. Good thing that I have my young children to show me how and my wife to make this thing and nag me into writing on it. We will just have to see how it goes.

Until next time...