A stranger in my own house?

These days each time that I return home after being gone for two weeks or more I go through a strange set of emotions. For most of the last 18 years when I would return home from a business trip I would always have a feeling of happiness when I would see the green of the Washington Fields from the freeway or the red of Kolob Canyons from the window of the plane. The familiar sights would assure me that in just a few minutes I would be home. Home to me is Lori and the kids, the comfort of my own furnishings, going to my office that has been the center of my work life for the last 14 years and friends and familiar faces on the streets and at church. All the things that I feel connected to and that are worth working for. As I mentioned home is also the Red Rocks, Green Cottonwoods and The St George Temple against the back drop of Pine Valley Mountain.

Not so much now, and that is what hits me every time that I see those familiar sites and know that I am minutes from home, or am I?

Obviously I am always glad to see Lori and the kids, except these days I seem to see them just as much in Salt Lake as I do here. I still love the scenery, it is just as beautiful but more like some place that you would visit, take a few pictures and then move on, you know, towards home.
As for the office and the stores that I have helped to build, well I am now just a visitor there familliar though I may be. And the home that Lori and I have worked so hard and spent so much on to make beautiful and comfortable, well it has become just a financial liability that has to be dealt with somehow in order for us to move on with our lives.

I don't mean to sound cold or even ungreatful for the good times that we have enjoyed, the friends that we have made and the beautiful and peaceful place that we have called home for so long but yet this is how I feel, to some degree, and thus the strange emotions that I mentioned at the beginning.

Here is the real "kicker" though. I stated that these are the things that I feel as I approach home each time, but as I write this I have been home for four day's, have been sorounded by family and friends and even spent some time hiking in Zion (one of my favorite places) and now I am packing to leave early tomorow morning. So what do I feel now? It can be summed up in a few words... I feel sad, almost to the point of tears, and by the way those tears usually come as I leave those green fields of Washington in my rear view mirror and head back to the place that I now call ???

Until next time...